I recently took a plane flight. On the first segment, the TSA confiscated my shaving cream. On the second, my toothpaste. Is the government fighting a war on hygiene? If my toothpaste is so dangerous, why did you let me take it on the first flight? This seems to imply the TSA is either enforcing useless rules without purpose, or failing to enforce useful rules, or both. The loud speaker barks out more orders as I sit in the airport. The warning level is currently orange and I should be alert! Vague, passive fear - my favorite kind. Boarding with yogurt purchased from airport shops is Strictly Forbidden!

I am in shock. For once, I am in complete agreement with the TSA. Yogurt is dangerous and needs to be kept off of our planes at all costs. But I am disturbed by a glaring weakness in the system: we are still selling the very tools required to secret yogurt onto our planes.

While surely the extremely thorough security check given by the flight attendants as you board would catch a simple ruse like hiding the yogurt by placing it in a bag, I am worried they will miss other more devious possibilities. For example, they sell good, honest, plane-legal muffins in the airport. But I happen to know they do not check your muffin when you board, and it would be only too easy for a criminal to hollow out the muffin and fill it with yogurt. I expect the TSA to follow up on this glaring security hole. Muffin inspection kits should be present at every gate.

Worse yet, you could easily smuggle yogurt in your mouth. Does anyone demand to look in your mouth before you board yet? If they don't, it's critical they start. I don't believe they sell plastic bags suitable for secreting yogurt elsewhere on your person yet, but you could bring them in in your luggage. Either we need to remove all plastic bags from luggage in the security checkpoint, or we need cavity searches at the plane door. Realistically, given that the TSA missed my toothpaste so easily, we probably need both.